Today I packed away the last few remnants of the holiday. Christmas is over with all its parties, presents, lights, decorations and high caloric, coma-inducing food. And, frankly, I could not be more relieved. That's not a comment on Christmas, per se, but more on my need for a return to normalcy.
Besides, this year never really felt like Christmas to me. In fact, I would have been fine without a tree or any decorations.
That is not like me.
I love my Christmas house. I love the smell of fresh pine needles, the warmth Christmas decorations add to our home, the external reminders something BIG is happening. But this year was all 'bah humbug'!
I usually participate in some form of Advent observance and enjoy focusing my attention on the waiting. The anticipation of hope dawning on a weary world. But I never established a healthy groove. I got carried along with the activity and programs and found myself easily annoyed with this disturbance in the calendar. I lost my alone time when the kids entered winter break, my diet was horrendous and the shorter days gave me a significant case of the blues. That is not a formula for Christmas joy.
So now I enter the New Year without living into the excitement of anticipation or the wonder of the incarnation. Bummer.
Not only did this negatively affect my Christmas spirit, it also generated a total funk around my usual New Year's excitement. I'm a sucker for new beginnings and ceremonial landmarks but this year it just wasn't coming together.
No sense of where God was leading me in 2014. No path. No verse. No word. Just silence. Of course, there's nothing innately spiritual about proclaiming a new beginning on January 1. I mean, the most dramatic changes often happen in the course of our ordinary lives, but I have come to enjoy this discipline in my life and was disappointed in its absence this year.
This is where it all comes together.
I tried out a couple of ideas to see if any of them resonated with me. I knew God was inviting me into a different kind of prayer practice, but still I had no sense of a theme or focus for the year. I read of someone else's word and I really, really liked it. I mean, there's no saying two people can't focus on the same thing for a year, right? Unfortunately, it wasn't the word God had for me.
On January 2 I sat down to pray and observed that I felt particularly happy; excited about what was ahead. I had no idea what that might be, but I had a sense of anticipation.
In an early December meeting with my Spiritual Director, I sensed God inviting me into a season of active waiting. Waiting with a sense of hope and joy and expectancy. Not waiting to act, but waiting for the fullness of what God has. Not forcing my agenda or manipulating circumstances, but living fully into whatever God puts in front of me.
And there it was...a year of Advent! I don't actually have the word or a particular verse, but I am confident God is inviting me into a season of expectant waiting. The kind of waiting that Mary understood...or, more accurately--didn't understand. Saying 'yes' to crazy things. Making preparations for the fruition of God's plan regardless of how people perceive me and whether or not it makes sense. A year of hope and curiosity and wonder. A year of questions and disappointment and abrupt changes of direction.
Perhaps that's what I'll call it. My year of Advent. Makes sense. I'm a very slow learner and I often require more time to grasp things than your average person. So God is giving me my own remedial course. How very thoughtful.
Or, maybe, its not my word for the year. Maybe its just for this next season--until God moves me to the next thing--however long that may be. This really is new.
I should probably wrap it up. Things are getting crazy! I'm winging it and there's no telling what could happen!
I'll keep you posted.
Kelli is a writer, speaker and consultant equipping leaders for a deepening intimacy with Christ, greater impact in ministry and more effective intentionality in all of life.
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