Some days I feel strong. Monday was not one of those days. Here’s what I wrote…
It seems to me that strength should feel differently than what I’m feeling today. I think the Olympics is distorting my perspective. I want a gold medal in strength. When I’m watching strong people, it usually looks quite effortless (except for weightlifting competitors who always look like they’re about to pop a blood vessel in their head). I understand that they’ve trained for years and have taught their body how to react to stress and difficulty. But, seriously, I’ve been training too. I’ve done emotional work and training in godliness and practicing disciplines, and on and on. And yet today I feel like I’m trudging through a muddy field in a dense fog. Strength is taking one step at a time, walking the direction I think will lead me out. But it doesn’t feel very strong. It feels suspiciously like I’m very, very weak.
Today I completed a task I’ve been working on for a month. I connected to a dear friend for a 90 minute phone conversation and I managed to get a shower in. The kitchen is a mess, The laundry is piling up and my teenagers will not be able to sustain themselves on the food found in the cupboards. Those tasks were well within the realm of doable things today. If my brain didn’t feel like mush and the list of tasks didn’t get all muddled together, a strong woman should be able to do these things.
Should, should, should. Such damning words. Like running a marathon, some race days are better than others. Even with great training and ideal conditions, some days it just doesn’t all come together.
For me today, strength is not giving into despair and self-pity. It is celebrating the completion of a major task and leaving the rest behind. I salvaged the day with a trip to the beach to write and be with people (even though I felt like hibernating until spring). And tomorrow is another day.
What is strength for you today?
Kelli is a writer, speaker and consultant equipping leaders for a deepening intimacy with Christ, greater impact in ministry and more effective intentionality in all of life.
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